my so called life

I haven't blogged in a while, I guess mainly because my computer isn't working so I'm actually writing from my new BlackBerry. Something that's been on my mind lately aside from the continuous monotony of my life is that I need to lose some weight- again. I lost a lot of weight a few months ago but quickly gained it all back. I'm not sure if I'll ever be fully satisfied with my body, but then again who is? But I always say that I'm going to get in shape and I never committ. I think I need to start trying. One thing that is troublesome for me is eating healthy. I'm pretty good at sitting around and eating empty calories. It would be nice if there were healthier food choices around the house. Either way, it's time for some changes. Yeah I know, I've been saying that all summer.

Writing about this issue again makes me wonder, why are most people so unhappy with themselves? I guess most of us were raised in a society where being the best meant you were a better person. We are always striving for something more in life. Some of us get there and some of us don't. I know I'm always hoping to be better, or at least wanting a lot more out of my life. So far I don't think I've achieved enough. A lot of the time I'm not sure that I'll ever find exactly the kind of life I think I want. Maybe that's because I've been feeling a lot of self doubt lately. I don't feel good enough to myself, and maybe if I get in better shape I'll start to like myself a bit more. There are many other aspects of myself I want to work on as well, but perhaps if I start on one thing the rest will follow? There's no harm in trying anyway.

I almost feel tired writing this, like these are all words that have been spit out and regurgitated. I do wonder though if succeeding at one thing and reaching a goal will leave room for new ones in life? Logically it makes sense, but what if you never reach the initial goals? Life would get tireless and essentially you would probably give up and settle. I often get scared that I will lose sight of what's important to me and settle for a life I don't want. I think it all comes down to learning to love yourself and not forgetting to live life. You never truly know when it will be over so why waste time?

I guess that's all for now.