Apparently it's shocking that I'm single. Well, if you're on this side of the statement, not so much.
I've been single now for about 5 years. My last real "boyfriend" was in highschool- I got dumped, rasher harshly, via EMAIL on my first day of university. It was a good day. Until I went to check my messages... "Sorry, I don't want you anymore, buhbye."
Well thanks a lot. Jerk.
Anyway, much time has passed since then. I know it really didn't help that I wasn't over that guy until much later. Maybe I should've stopped sleeping with him? I guess that's where I live and learn. I should've dumped him when he didn't say I love you back. I would've avoided a lot of hurt. Oh well, c'est la vie.
So now what? I've been in university for a while now, and I guess living the single life was part of that. I've dated casually, but nothing ever got really serious. It could have a few times, but then there's me. Something was always holding me back. At times I was worried what other people would think, then there were the times when the certain 'chemistry' was off. Way off. Sorry, I need more to work with than that! I need someone that's a good fit for me, in more ways than one. I still have yet to find it.
Surprisingly I've never dated anyone I've met at school. This would seem the logical place to meet someone. We'd probably have similar interests, and he wouldn't be a total loser considering he's in college. Then again, that doesn't mean anything. I always seem to meet people in bars or through mutual friends. It never really just happens organically, like walking down the street, or on the bus, or in the grocery store. I've heard the grocery store is a good place. Then there's online dating. I've been dabbling in it, but I've never met anyone that way either.
Last summer I fell pretty hard. I was so in love with this one guy. He had it all- tall, dark, handsome. Ugh, so damn cute, muscles in all the right places. I hate that I was basically his rebound and it never really turned into anything real. It was the closest to a relationship I've had in a while, though. We would hang out nearly everyday. I even went to his hometown and met his family. But he was a yo-yo when it came to me. In the end, I just wasn't good enough. Too bad really. I could've loved him a lot. Maybe I did.
And that's how my luck goes. It seems I get a glimpse at what I could have, and then just like that, it's taken away. Or the guy is a complete asshole and the whole thing was a lie. That's happened more than once already, and it's too much. I can't believe how guys can just blatantly lie to you. "Oh, no I don't have a girlfriend." "No, I don't live with her." "I really like you". BULLSHIT. It's times like these that make me glad to be alone. I wonder if I'll ever actually be able to change my Facebook status? I think it's been single for the entire duration that I've had my account. I wonder if that's a record? Who can stay single the longest? Not that it really matters, but everyone knows if you're not "Facebook official", you aren't for real. Well then....
I don't want to settle for just anyone. That would be stooping way low. It's not like I have ridiculous standards to meet either. I just want someone that has a genuine interest in my well-being, and likes me as a person, not just a piece of ass. I'm really getting sick of playing that role, actually. I think it's high time I gave myself a little credit- I'm worth more than that. The ass is a bonus if you wanna be with me.
It's also just my luck that I happen to like someone nearly 3,000 miles away. Yeah, I guess I really do like making life harder than it has to be. Or it could just be seen as a challenge, or a new adventure. The adventure thing sounds appealing. I've always wanted to live by the ocean, maybe one day we'll be closer. Until then, it's just dreams and phone calls, texts and Facebook.
It's not that I haven't enjoyed being single. It's been fun, it's just getting kind of old at this point. I miss having that person around to tell things to, to go out on dates and have a reason to get dressed up. I know my name hasn't been synonymous with 'relationship' but I think I'd be good at it if I had a chance. From what I remember, it was sweet.
All I really want is for someone to call me babe. "Hey babe, how was your day?" I really miss it. Steady sex is also pretty awesome, too. Just sayin'. Oh, and I guess there's that love thing, also...
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