I think I'm going crazy. Either that or I'm actually in a real, loving relationship. It's actually the latter, which to me, is amazing.
Saturday will mark two months that I've been with my "West Coast Wonder". So far I don't really have any complaints- except I could do without the pointless arguments, and the distance. I know every couple has their moments, I'm just excited that ours will soon be together. I'm moving to B.C.!
I know, it seems way too fast, and maybe we are getting ahead of ourselves, but it just feels right. I hope it all works out. I'm planning on leaving at the end of January. I'm really excited. On the other hand, I'm really freaked out.
I went to visit last month for five days. It was amazing! If our little vacation is any indication of how living together will be, I think we have nothing to worry about. However, I've never been in such a serious relationship. We've even started throwing around the words 'forever' and 'babies' and 'marriage'. We are only 23, we have so much time to do all those things, but it is romantic when you hear those words from the one you love. I guess we won't know unless we try.
I'm honestly so excited. But then sometimes I think, maybe this is all too good to be true. How can someone love me that much? I guess I never thought I would find this happiness with someone else. Ever. Or at least not until I was way past the point of caring.
I keep fantasizing about our future together. Even uttering the words "our future together" still baffles me. I know I'm young but I was starting to get cynical and bitter. I lived the single life thinking it was all I had. And then bam! One day things turn around. It is really comforting to know I have someone to rely on. Even though he's far away at the moment, I'm glad I have him to confide in. I hope living together will be a fun as I keep imagining.
I can't believe I'm moving across the country to be with a guy. I never thought I would be the type. I thought I was this independent woman who didn't need a guy to validate my life, which I don't think I do at all, but I'm just so into this it's not even funny. I've always wanted to live somewhere different, especially by the ocean. Why not take every opportunity I have? I'm sure I'll miss my friends and family, but that's what vacation is for!
I just really hope everything works out. If not, that would be a really big let down. I feel pretty optimistic about it, though at this point it's all just talk. It's good talk though. In two months it will be a whole other story. I wouldn't consider rearranging my entire life if I didn't think he was worth it. Oh, the things I'll do for love.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Life is what you make it
I know the title to this is pretty cliche, but it's also true.
I was having birthday dinner at my mom's place the other night and the conversation quickly took a serious note, and was kind of inspirational.
After noticing that my sister didn't look very happy, 'cause let's face it she never really does, my mom just had to comment, "What's wrong? You don't look very happy. You seem like you're always unimpressed." Which my sister replied, "Why is everybody asking me that?"
Well, sis, maybe because it's true. She just never seems to have a genuine smile on her face these days.
So, after my mom made my sister cry unintentionally, she went on to say that if there's something about your life you don't like, change it. You're the only one in control of your own destiny. I'm not really a fan of the word destiny. It just seems too wishy-washy and corny. But either way you spin it, I think she's right about that. Life is what we make it, and no one else can change it for us.
I've always been a big believer in trusting only yourself. I've had too many experiences where I've been let down by others and I've seen others get let down. Relying on yourself is important. However, I have begun to trust others more lately, which is a great feeling knowing you can rely on someone else and there's a real honesty coming from them. It's not very common these days, but it's great when you do find it.
There's a quote from Ghandi that I love which reminds me of a great friend who herself is an activist and is always looking for positive change:
"Be the change you wish to see in the world."
I think it really is that simple. If you want to see change, you have to make it happen. No one else is going to do it for you. You shouldn't just sit around waiting for someone else to do something. It's the worst thing you could do. In my experience it only leaves you bitter and more apathetic. Complaining about your life will only get you so far. Sure I could complain about things, but what's the point? I know it's only going to be undesirable for that moment. Things can quickly change in the blink of an eye if you want them to.
A year ago today I was probably in the worst shape of my life both mentally and physically. I let myself waste away to almost nothing, I was frenzied with negative thoughts and was drowning in a sea of depression. I thought just because I failed at school and in another relationship that I failed at life. Which is so not the case. Plans were made to be broken. And so they crumbled all around me. I was left with what felt like nothing to start over. Little did I know, there are other options in life.
Luckily I have an amazing support system of family and friends who carried me through that time. I don't know where I would be without them. I love them for that so much. I'm so grateful to have people around me who will help me no matter what happens. That's a great feeling to have. I think it's true that you have to hit rock bottom before you can climb your way back to the top. I'm still climbing but I feel closer than I've been in a long time.
Sure things aren't perfect at this precise moment, but I believe they are exactly as they should be. I can only see things getting better from here on out. I look forward to my future, whatever it may bring and I am so glad to be where I am today.
Life really is what you make it. To me, life is sweet. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I was having birthday dinner at my mom's place the other night and the conversation quickly took a serious note, and was kind of inspirational.
After noticing that my sister didn't look very happy, 'cause let's face it she never really does, my mom just had to comment, "What's wrong? You don't look very happy. You seem like you're always unimpressed." Which my sister replied, "Why is everybody asking me that?"
Well, sis, maybe because it's true. She just never seems to have a genuine smile on her face these days.
So, after my mom made my sister cry unintentionally, she went on to say that if there's something about your life you don't like, change it. You're the only one in control of your own destiny. I'm not really a fan of the word destiny. It just seems too wishy-washy and corny. But either way you spin it, I think she's right about that. Life is what we make it, and no one else can change it for us.
I've always been a big believer in trusting only yourself. I've had too many experiences where I've been let down by others and I've seen others get let down. Relying on yourself is important. However, I have begun to trust others more lately, which is a great feeling knowing you can rely on someone else and there's a real honesty coming from them. It's not very common these days, but it's great when you do find it.
There's a quote from Ghandi that I love which reminds me of a great friend who herself is an activist and is always looking for positive change:
"Be the change you wish to see in the world."
I think it really is that simple. If you want to see change, you have to make it happen. No one else is going to do it for you. You shouldn't just sit around waiting for someone else to do something. It's the worst thing you could do. In my experience it only leaves you bitter and more apathetic. Complaining about your life will only get you so far. Sure I could complain about things, but what's the point? I know it's only going to be undesirable for that moment. Things can quickly change in the blink of an eye if you want them to.
A year ago today I was probably in the worst shape of my life both mentally and physically. I let myself waste away to almost nothing, I was frenzied with negative thoughts and was drowning in a sea of depression. I thought just because I failed at school and in another relationship that I failed at life. Which is so not the case. Plans were made to be broken. And so they crumbled all around me. I was left with what felt like nothing to start over. Little did I know, there are other options in life.
Luckily I have an amazing support system of family and friends who carried me through that time. I don't know where I would be without them. I love them for that so much. I'm so grateful to have people around me who will help me no matter what happens. That's a great feeling to have. I think it's true that you have to hit rock bottom before you can climb your way back to the top. I'm still climbing but I feel closer than I've been in a long time.
Sure things aren't perfect at this precise moment, but I believe they are exactly as they should be. I can only see things getting better from here on out. I look forward to my future, whatever it may bring and I am so glad to be where I am today.
Life really is what you make it. To me, life is sweet. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Happy Thanksgiving!
Happy Turkey Day everyone! I hope everyone is at home enjoying the comforts of good food and family.
This is the part of the year where we are all supposed to reflect upon our lives and what we are thankful for. Right now, I'm thankful for mainly three things: health, family and friends. Not to mention all the love I've been fortunate to receive lately. Which reminds me, I'm officially in a relationship. Wow...
The "west coast wonder" if he could be so named, is now my boyfriend. Again. Crazy how life works isn't it? Who would've thought I'd end up here? Not me, that's for sure. Though I have to say, so far it feels great.
This is my first long-distance relationship. I've never experienced being so far away from someone, yet feeling so close to them at the same time. I can't wait until we get to remove the space between us...it's gonna be crazy. But I'm so excited! I think if we both want it to work, it will. Sometimes, I can't believe my life.
It might seem like it's all been moving too fast, but it feels right to us, I guess. Why not go for it? I just hope when we actually get together it's as good as we are making it out to be. We've been building the whole occasion up so much that it has to be nothing short than amazing at this point. I think it will be.
I just can't wait to get away for a while. It'll be nice to go somewhere different. I keep imagining different scenarios in my head. I picture us going out to dinner, to a club, walking near the ocean, or just hanging around his place... It's probably nothing like what I think it is. I hope it's even better. It'll be nice to explore some place new with someone familiar... I miss him more and more everyday.
The other scary part is, we love each other. I wasn't used to this at first. Just hearing those words was so foreign to me that I felt a little awkward. But now it's like, okay this is what it feels like, I remember this. I just can't believe how crazy he is about me...I knew he used to be, and apparently the fire hasn't died... It seems so surreal. I missed the attention, don't get me wrong, I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm worth it. It's been a long lonely road. I'm glad I finally have someone to share it with.
I really wish we could share the holiday weekend together, but we'll just have to make it up later. I hope he knows that I'm thankful for him, and that I love him too.
This is the part of the year where we are all supposed to reflect upon our lives and what we are thankful for. Right now, I'm thankful for mainly three things: health, family and friends. Not to mention all the love I've been fortunate to receive lately. Which reminds me, I'm officially in a relationship. Wow...
The "west coast wonder" if he could be so named, is now my boyfriend. Again. Crazy how life works isn't it? Who would've thought I'd end up here? Not me, that's for sure. Though I have to say, so far it feels great.
This is my first long-distance relationship. I've never experienced being so far away from someone, yet feeling so close to them at the same time. I can't wait until we get to remove the space between us...it's gonna be crazy. But I'm so excited! I think if we both want it to work, it will. Sometimes, I can't believe my life.
It might seem like it's all been moving too fast, but it feels right to us, I guess. Why not go for it? I just hope when we actually get together it's as good as we are making it out to be. We've been building the whole occasion up so much that it has to be nothing short than amazing at this point. I think it will be.
I just can't wait to get away for a while. It'll be nice to go somewhere different. I keep imagining different scenarios in my head. I picture us going out to dinner, to a club, walking near the ocean, or just hanging around his place... It's probably nothing like what I think it is. I hope it's even better. It'll be nice to explore some place new with someone familiar... I miss him more and more everyday.
The other scary part is, we love each other. I wasn't used to this at first. Just hearing those words was so foreign to me that I felt a little awkward. But now it's like, okay this is what it feels like, I remember this. I just can't believe how crazy he is about me...I knew he used to be, and apparently the fire hasn't died... It seems so surreal. I missed the attention, don't get me wrong, I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm worth it. It's been a long lonely road. I'm glad I finally have someone to share it with.
I really wish we could share the holiday weekend together, but we'll just have to make it up later. I hope he knows that I'm thankful for him, and that I love him too.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
I love my job
I love my job. Working in a coffee shop is so fun. Making drinks for people is probably my favourite part about it. I love steaming the milk, pouring espresso, adding the whipped cream. It's so simple, but yet it yields such a great sense of accomplishment when a drink is properly made. I think it really is an art. And it's so delicious!
Though I don't work at Starbucks anymore, I do work in another coffee shop- Finales. It's an independent business that hasn't franchised further into the city yet. It's a good feeling working somewhere not so big and corporate. I like being part of something original and unique. I also love that we don't have to wear hats. My boss is thoroughly awesome. I only live 5 minutes away yet he insists on driving me home during closing shifts. Also, I missed a shift by accident yesterday and he said it was no big deal, he was just concerned that I was alright. I think I have found my new work family. Though I do miss the Starbucks crew from time to time. It will always be a part of me, as lame as that sounds.
I used to think carrying a Starbucks cup made me superior to others, which it sort of did, but then again if I'm holding any kind of coffee cup I get this good sense of establishment in the world. I don't know why, just holding onto coffee makes me feel important. Maybe it's because I'm used to seeing celebs being photographed with Starbucks in their hand all the time.
Today, apparently is International Coffee Day.I celebrated by buying a cup at Co-op this afternoon and also by making a cinnamon latte at work tonight. The latte was the tastier cup of the day by far. Who else is a coffee lover out there? I know I'm not the only one!
Making coffee isn't like my ultimate dream job but I do enjoy it for now. I do love the idea of owning my own shop with maybe a bookstore in it, but I'm not so sure I'd be a good business owner. I might need to be more organized than I am to succeed at that. It's always been an idea of mine, however.
So for now, I'll keep steaming up lattes for the masses and enjoying the cozy atmosphere of my job.
Though I don't work at Starbucks anymore, I do work in another coffee shop- Finales. It's an independent business that hasn't franchised further into the city yet. It's a good feeling working somewhere not so big and corporate. I like being part of something original and unique. I also love that we don't have to wear hats. My boss is thoroughly awesome. I only live 5 minutes away yet he insists on driving me home during closing shifts. Also, I missed a shift by accident yesterday and he said it was no big deal, he was just concerned that I was alright. I think I have found my new work family. Though I do miss the Starbucks crew from time to time. It will always be a part of me, as lame as that sounds.
I used to think carrying a Starbucks cup made me superior to others, which it sort of did, but then again if I'm holding any kind of coffee cup I get this good sense of establishment in the world. I don't know why, just holding onto coffee makes me feel important. Maybe it's because I'm used to seeing celebs being photographed with Starbucks in their hand all the time.
Today, apparently is International Coffee Day.I celebrated by buying a cup at Co-op this afternoon and also by making a cinnamon latte at work tonight. The latte was the tastier cup of the day by far. Who else is a coffee lover out there? I know I'm not the only one!
Making coffee isn't like my ultimate dream job but I do enjoy it for now. I do love the idea of owning my own shop with maybe a bookstore in it, but I'm not so sure I'd be a good business owner. I might need to be more organized than I am to succeed at that. It's always been an idea of mine, however.
So for now, I'll keep steaming up lattes for the masses and enjoying the cozy atmosphere of my job.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Why am I single?
Apparently it's shocking that I'm single. Well, if you're on this side of the statement, not so much.
I've been single now for about 5 years. My last real "boyfriend" was in highschool- I got dumped, rasher harshly, via EMAIL on my first day of university. It was a good day. Until I went to check my messages... "Sorry, I don't want you anymore, buhbye."
Well thanks a lot. Jerk.
Anyway, much time has passed since then. I know it really didn't help that I wasn't over that guy until much later. Maybe I should've stopped sleeping with him? I guess that's where I live and learn. I should've dumped him when he didn't say I love you back. I would've avoided a lot of hurt. Oh well, c'est la vie.
So now what? I've been in university for a while now, and I guess living the single life was part of that. I've dated casually, but nothing ever got really serious. It could have a few times, but then there's me. Something was always holding me back. At times I was worried what other people would think, then there were the times when the certain 'chemistry' was off. Way off. Sorry, I need more to work with than that! I need someone that's a good fit for me, in more ways than one. I still have yet to find it.
Surprisingly I've never dated anyone I've met at school. This would seem the logical place to meet someone. We'd probably have similar interests, and he wouldn't be a total loser considering he's in college. Then again, that doesn't mean anything. I always seem to meet people in bars or through mutual friends. It never really just happens organically, like walking down the street, or on the bus, or in the grocery store. I've heard the grocery store is a good place. Then there's online dating. I've been dabbling in it, but I've never met anyone that way either.
Last summer I fell pretty hard. I was so in love with this one guy. He had it all- tall, dark, handsome. Ugh, so damn cute, muscles in all the right places. I hate that I was basically his rebound and it never really turned into anything real. It was the closest to a relationship I've had in a while, though. We would hang out nearly everyday. I even went to his hometown and met his family. But he was a yo-yo when it came to me. In the end, I just wasn't good enough. Too bad really. I could've loved him a lot. Maybe I did.
And that's how my luck goes. It seems I get a glimpse at what I could have, and then just like that, it's taken away. Or the guy is a complete asshole and the whole thing was a lie. That's happened more than once already, and it's too much. I can't believe how guys can just blatantly lie to you. "Oh, no I don't have a girlfriend." "No, I don't live with her." "I really like you". BULLSHIT. It's times like these that make me glad to be alone. I wonder if I'll ever actually be able to change my Facebook status? I think it's been single for the entire duration that I've had my account. I wonder if that's a record? Who can stay single the longest? Not that it really matters, but everyone knows if you're not "Facebook official", you aren't for real. Well then....
I don't want to settle for just anyone. That would be stooping way low. It's not like I have ridiculous standards to meet either. I just want someone that has a genuine interest in my well-being, and likes me as a person, not just a piece of ass. I'm really getting sick of playing that role, actually. I think it's high time I gave myself a little credit- I'm worth more than that. The ass is a bonus if you wanna be with me.
It's also just my luck that I happen to like someone nearly 3,000 miles away. Yeah, I guess I really do like making life harder than it has to be. Or it could just be seen as a challenge, or a new adventure. The adventure thing sounds appealing. I've always wanted to live by the ocean, maybe one day we'll be closer. Until then, it's just dreams and phone calls, texts and Facebook.
It's not that I haven't enjoyed being single. It's been fun, it's just getting kind of old at this point. I miss having that person around to tell things to, to go out on dates and have a reason to get dressed up. I know my name hasn't been synonymous with 'relationship' but I think I'd be good at it if I had a chance. From what I remember, it was sweet.
All I really want is for someone to call me babe. "Hey babe, how was your day?" I really miss it. Steady sex is also pretty awesome, too. Just sayin'. Oh, and I guess there's that love thing, also...
I've been single now for about 5 years. My last real "boyfriend" was in highschool- I got dumped, rasher harshly, via EMAIL on my first day of university. It was a good day. Until I went to check my messages... "Sorry, I don't want you anymore, buhbye."
Well thanks a lot. Jerk.
Anyway, much time has passed since then. I know it really didn't help that I wasn't over that guy until much later. Maybe I should've stopped sleeping with him? I guess that's where I live and learn. I should've dumped him when he didn't say I love you back. I would've avoided a lot of hurt. Oh well, c'est la vie.
So now what? I've been in university for a while now, and I guess living the single life was part of that. I've dated casually, but nothing ever got really serious. It could have a few times, but then there's me. Something was always holding me back. At times I was worried what other people would think, then there were the times when the certain 'chemistry' was off. Way off. Sorry, I need more to work with than that! I need someone that's a good fit for me, in more ways than one. I still have yet to find it.
Surprisingly I've never dated anyone I've met at school. This would seem the logical place to meet someone. We'd probably have similar interests, and he wouldn't be a total loser considering he's in college. Then again, that doesn't mean anything. I always seem to meet people in bars or through mutual friends. It never really just happens organically, like walking down the street, or on the bus, or in the grocery store. I've heard the grocery store is a good place. Then there's online dating. I've been dabbling in it, but I've never met anyone that way either.
Last summer I fell pretty hard. I was so in love with this one guy. He had it all- tall, dark, handsome. Ugh, so damn cute, muscles in all the right places. I hate that I was basically his rebound and it never really turned into anything real. It was the closest to a relationship I've had in a while, though. We would hang out nearly everyday. I even went to his hometown and met his family. But he was a yo-yo when it came to me. In the end, I just wasn't good enough. Too bad really. I could've loved him a lot. Maybe I did.
And that's how my luck goes. It seems I get a glimpse at what I could have, and then just like that, it's taken away. Or the guy is a complete asshole and the whole thing was a lie. That's happened more than once already, and it's too much. I can't believe how guys can just blatantly lie to you. "Oh, no I don't have a girlfriend." "No, I don't live with her." "I really like you". BULLSHIT. It's times like these that make me glad to be alone. I wonder if I'll ever actually be able to change my Facebook status? I think it's been single for the entire duration that I've had my account. I wonder if that's a record? Who can stay single the longest? Not that it really matters, but everyone knows if you're not "Facebook official", you aren't for real. Well then....
I don't want to settle for just anyone. That would be stooping way low. It's not like I have ridiculous standards to meet either. I just want someone that has a genuine interest in my well-being, and likes me as a person, not just a piece of ass. I'm really getting sick of playing that role, actually. I think it's high time I gave myself a little credit- I'm worth more than that. The ass is a bonus if you wanna be with me.
It's also just my luck that I happen to like someone nearly 3,000 miles away. Yeah, I guess I really do like making life harder than it has to be. Or it could just be seen as a challenge, or a new adventure. The adventure thing sounds appealing. I've always wanted to live by the ocean, maybe one day we'll be closer. Until then, it's just dreams and phone calls, texts and Facebook.
It's not that I haven't enjoyed being single. It's been fun, it's just getting kind of old at this point. I miss having that person around to tell things to, to go out on dates and have a reason to get dressed up. I know my name hasn't been synonymous with 'relationship' but I think I'd be good at it if I had a chance. From what I remember, it was sweet.
All I really want is for someone to call me babe. "Hey babe, how was your day?" I really miss it. Steady sex is also pretty awesome, too. Just sayin'. Oh, and I guess there's that love thing, also...
Sunday, September 25, 2011
A blast from the past
Recently I've been talking to an old flame. He's someone I've dated in the past during high school. We reconnected via Facebook about two months ago and ever since we've been talking nearly everyday. It seems a little crazy- he has a girlfriend and is a couple thousand miles away. At first our conversations were just friendly, but now they have developed into something more. We both claim we still have feelings for one another. I haven't physically seen this person in about 3 years. Maybe absence does make the heart grow fonder? I'm not sure how things are actually going to work out. There are a lot of things for us to consider if we planned on being together.
I have to admit that I do miss him. He was a good boyfriend, but I was young and stupid when we broke up. I thought he was too clingy. What I wouldn't give for that right now... Someone to love and be my 'everything'. I know I was his. I think about him everyday, we've even been dreaming about each other. Apparently I was the one that got away and he says there's still love there. It's all a lot to take in. It seems like we're living out this huge fantasy- which basically we are. We've only conversed via Facebook and texting, and the one slightly drunken phone call I made lastnight...who knows if it will actually turn into anything more? The fact that he has a girlfriend (who actually lives here in Winnipeg too) makes this whole thing seem really pointless. Why should I expect him to just leave her? I mean, he has hinted at it numerous times now, but I don't think it's going to actually happen. Sometimes I think it's just a waste of my time. Then other times I think how great we could be together. But then again, maybe it's all in my head?
I'd love the chance to be with someone who actually wants to be with me. I can tell that he does. The only obstacle we face is the girlfriend and the distance between us. I wouldn't mind moving somewhere beautiful if it meant starting a relationship just as beautiful... it could be, couldn't it? He tells me if I was in his arms again he'd never let me go. After years of being single, that might not be so bad. It sure is nice to hear, anyway. Our conversation on the phone last night was really nice. It was good to actually hear his voice after so long. It sort of makes the whole thing less impossible.
There's a big part of me that feels badly for interrupting his life. But then there's the other side of me that thinks if we were together it would be so amazing. Or maybe it's just my loneliness rearing its ugly, selfish, jealous head? I think there's more to it than that, though. I hope we get a chance to find out. I can't help but imagine my life with him in a new city, just living life to the fullest. From what I remember, being with him was really fun for the most part. We got a long, never really argued and just enjoyed each other's company. I think that since we've grown up it could be even better the second time around. I guess only time will tell.
I have to admit that I do miss him. He was a good boyfriend, but I was young and stupid when we broke up. I thought he was too clingy. What I wouldn't give for that right now... Someone to love and be my 'everything'. I know I was his. I think about him everyday, we've even been dreaming about each other. Apparently I was the one that got away and he says there's still love there. It's all a lot to take in. It seems like we're living out this huge fantasy- which basically we are. We've only conversed via Facebook and texting, and the one slightly drunken phone call I made lastnight...who knows if it will actually turn into anything more? The fact that he has a girlfriend (who actually lives here in Winnipeg too) makes this whole thing seem really pointless. Why should I expect him to just leave her? I mean, he has hinted at it numerous times now, but I don't think it's going to actually happen. Sometimes I think it's just a waste of my time. Then other times I think how great we could be together. But then again, maybe it's all in my head?
I'd love the chance to be with someone who actually wants to be with me. I can tell that he does. The only obstacle we face is the girlfriend and the distance between us. I wouldn't mind moving somewhere beautiful if it meant starting a relationship just as beautiful... it could be, couldn't it? He tells me if I was in his arms again he'd never let me go. After years of being single, that might not be so bad. It sure is nice to hear, anyway. Our conversation on the phone last night was really nice. It was good to actually hear his voice after so long. It sort of makes the whole thing less impossible.
There's a big part of me that feels badly for interrupting his life. But then there's the other side of me that thinks if we were together it would be so amazing. Or maybe it's just my loneliness rearing its ugly, selfish, jealous head? I think there's more to it than that, though. I hope we get a chance to find out. I can't help but imagine my life with him in a new city, just living life to the fullest. From what I remember, being with him was really fun for the most part. We got a long, never really argued and just enjoyed each other's company. I think that since we've grown up it could be even better the second time around. I guess only time will tell.
Monday, September 12, 2011
student life means living on the cheap
You know you're a university or college student when your bank account reads less than your age... I'm almost 23. Yippee for Ramen noodles and cheap pizza days! Today is Monday Madness at Pizza Hotline, pepperoni and red pepper anyone? It was an interesting choice...
Being in university again is great, I love being in class and seeing all my friends again and being in a cultured city with a lot to do. However I don't always have money to do the things I want. Luckily I just won concert tix to see Avril Lavigne. No paying for me! Other than that though, things can get pretty pricey when you live in a big city.
Public transportation alone is about $60 a month if you're a student. It's about $80 if you're not. I got it pretty lucky this year with two other roommates so rent is a bit cheaper, but tuition is still sky high, and of course I'm relying again on student loans. I haven't heard from them in almost two months, I really should get in contact. Something about phoning them scares me a little though, I don't want them to reject me! Just give me what I need. I promise I'm almost done!
In the mean time, here I am, on year 4 of my academic journey? Actually, it might even be 5... That really is sad when I'll only come out of this with a 3-year degree. *sigh* Maybe I should upgrade to a 4-year B.A.?
Anyway, how can I keep myself entertained on the cheap but still have a good time? Luckily I'm a lightweight when it comes to drinking...but we don't always have to drink to have a good time do we?
This past weekend I went on a road trip to Kenora with my cousin John. I only had to pay for my lunch! I guess it's good when you have relatives with vehicles who have that adventurous bone in their body. We also had a BBQ in the park this weekend with some other family members. It was a good time outside. Great burgers and corn on the grill. Yummie! I guess it doesn't take much to keep me satisfied.
Another good part about being a student is there are always socials and events happening around campus. I haven't been to one yet but I'm sure there will be one soon. It's a great way to meet people also. Cover charge is usually free with a student card and drinks are always under 5 dollars.
Another way to get some student deals is with a student price card (SPC). You can get discounts on most stores and also travel deals through Greyhound. I don't mind that going home only costs me about $14. In case anything major happens, that's good to know. I should probably go get my SPC then...
If you were lucky enough to score a job at a coffee shop like I did (I have yet to hear back from them this year) then you get amazing discounts on coffee, which really comes in handy when you're in the middle of an all nighter with ten pages due the next morning. Starbucks is awesome! 30% off everything, can't go wrong with cheap java! I really hope they call me soon!
Thrift Stores! What more can I say? I love a good deal on just about anything. MCC or Value Village are both good places to get stuff dirt cheap. I'm pretty sure they both give 10% off for being a student. Gotta love the perks! Life is going to suck once I graduate... maybe I'll end up being a coupon clipper?
Don't buy new electronics. Just keep using the really worn down slow-as-molasses laptop that you've had since you started uni. At least I'm saving a good chunk of change not being able to afford a new one. Oh how I wish I could! Old faithful is becoming unreliable these days...
Try to buy used textbooks. They are so expensive sometimes, it's really not worth it depending on how much you actually use the book. I'm hoping mine aren't too bad. I haven't actually went to the bookstore yet... Maybe I'll have to do Amazon this year. I hear they have good deals too.
If you're trying to stay in shape, being a student couldn't be more of a Godsend. At the U of W the fitness fee is included in our tuition at only $35/year. If that doesn't persuade anyone to hit the gym I don't know what will. I intend to take advantage. It's really now or never. Who's with me? I need a gym buddy! Pretty soon my life will be all about the GTL...Though I did just realize that the Fabutan down the street is no longer there. Perhaps I'll just have to stay pasty-pretty, I never really was big into the tanning scene anyway. So eff you Jersey Shore!
That's about all I can think of to save money. If you have any more advice please comment! My posts are so lonely!
I hope everyone has a fantastic week! :)
Being in university again is great, I love being in class and seeing all my friends again and being in a cultured city with a lot to do. However I don't always have money to do the things I want. Luckily I just won concert tix to see Avril Lavigne. No paying for me! Other than that though, things can get pretty pricey when you live in a big city.
Public transportation alone is about $60 a month if you're a student. It's about $80 if you're not. I got it pretty lucky this year with two other roommates so rent is a bit cheaper, but tuition is still sky high, and of course I'm relying again on student loans. I haven't heard from them in almost two months, I really should get in contact. Something about phoning them scares me a little though, I don't want them to reject me! Just give me what I need. I promise I'm almost done!
In the mean time, here I am, on year 4 of my academic journey? Actually, it might even be 5... That really is sad when I'll only come out of this with a 3-year degree. *sigh* Maybe I should upgrade to a 4-year B.A.?
Anyway, how can I keep myself entertained on the cheap but still have a good time? Luckily I'm a lightweight when it comes to drinking...but we don't always have to drink to have a good time do we?
This past weekend I went on a road trip to Kenora with my cousin John. I only had to pay for my lunch! I guess it's good when you have relatives with vehicles who have that adventurous bone in their body. We also had a BBQ in the park this weekend with some other family members. It was a good time outside. Great burgers and corn on the grill. Yummie! I guess it doesn't take much to keep me satisfied.
Another good part about being a student is there are always socials and events happening around campus. I haven't been to one yet but I'm sure there will be one soon. It's a great way to meet people also. Cover charge is usually free with a student card and drinks are always under 5 dollars.
Another way to get some student deals is with a student price card (SPC). You can get discounts on most stores and also travel deals through Greyhound. I don't mind that going home only costs me about $14. In case anything major happens, that's good to know. I should probably go get my SPC then...
If you were lucky enough to score a job at a coffee shop like I did (I have yet to hear back from them this year) then you get amazing discounts on coffee, which really comes in handy when you're in the middle of an all nighter with ten pages due the next morning. Starbucks is awesome! 30% off everything, can't go wrong with cheap java! I really hope they call me soon!
Thrift Stores! What more can I say? I love a good deal on just about anything. MCC or Value Village are both good places to get stuff dirt cheap. I'm pretty sure they both give 10% off for being a student. Gotta love the perks! Life is going to suck once I graduate... maybe I'll end up being a coupon clipper?
Don't buy new electronics. Just keep using the really worn down slow-as-molasses laptop that you've had since you started uni. At least I'm saving a good chunk of change not being able to afford a new one. Oh how I wish I could! Old faithful is becoming unreliable these days...
Try to buy used textbooks. They are so expensive sometimes, it's really not worth it depending on how much you actually use the book. I'm hoping mine aren't too bad. I haven't actually went to the bookstore yet... Maybe I'll have to do Amazon this year. I hear they have good deals too.
If you're trying to stay in shape, being a student couldn't be more of a Godsend. At the U of W the fitness fee is included in our tuition at only $35/year. If that doesn't persuade anyone to hit the gym I don't know what will. I intend to take advantage. It's really now or never. Who's with me? I need a gym buddy! Pretty soon my life will be all about the GTL...Though I did just realize that the Fabutan down the street is no longer there. Perhaps I'll just have to stay pasty-pretty, I never really was big into the tanning scene anyway. So eff you Jersey Shore!
That's about all I can think of to save money. If you have any more advice please comment! My posts are so lonely!
I hope everyone has a fantastic week! :)
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
The city, school and a fresh start
I'm back in Winnipeg! It's been ten months since I went home during my crazy meltdown. That's something I hope doesn't keep recurring every 20 years...it's nobody's cup of tea.
I'm excited to go to class again! I only have two this term and three next term, so we'll see how it goes. I have yet to find a job in the city. Not sure what the deal is with Starbucks. I wouldn't mind trying something different though. It would be helpful to find something soon however, as my tuition is now past due and I have had no reply from Student Aid. I really should start harassing them...
I hope this year turns out great. I don't see why it wouldn't. I'm in a nice area of the city and I have lots of friends who I haven't seen in a while! I miss them all! I do miss being home sometimes already. The first couple days before I left I was getting a bit melancholy about leaving, I guess I got used to being home near my family. I know they aren't very far if I really need them. It's time to start truly gaining some independence. I think it would be cool to eventually get my own place somewhere. Roommates are cheaper, but I'd love to be on my own. That won't be for a while though.
I have an online English course this year which is something different. It's called American Literature and Culture after 1914. The prof is in B.C. and writes a blog for the class so we can comment and discuss various readings and assignments. I hope I can time manage properly to be successful. I'm sure I can, I'm on the computer all the time anyway. At least now it will be constructive.
The good thing about being in school again is that I have access to the school gym! I really need to take advantage of it, no joke. I know I always complain about losing weight but it really needs to happen. I've noticed I've already started eating less since being here, maybe because there's barely any food in the apartment, which even though it sounds dire, it could be a help in my case. I don't intend to starve, just need to limit my intake. Working out is such a chore. Maybe I can learn to love the gym. It'd be nice to find a gym buddy.
It's only September and already things are changing. The weather is still really warm, but there are people in my life who are taking the next step in their journey and it only inspires me to live my life to the fullest and really take hold of what I can. I'd like to try something new this year, maybe an art or dance class. Something to keep me busy and out of trouble. Not that I get into trouble...
Anyway if anyone has any ideas about what I can do this year that would be fun, let me know!
I'm excited to go to class again! I only have two this term and three next term, so we'll see how it goes. I have yet to find a job in the city. Not sure what the deal is with Starbucks. I wouldn't mind trying something different though. It would be helpful to find something soon however, as my tuition is now past due and I have had no reply from Student Aid. I really should start harassing them...
I hope this year turns out great. I don't see why it wouldn't. I'm in a nice area of the city and I have lots of friends who I haven't seen in a while! I miss them all! I do miss being home sometimes already. The first couple days before I left I was getting a bit melancholy about leaving, I guess I got used to being home near my family. I know they aren't very far if I really need them. It's time to start truly gaining some independence. I think it would be cool to eventually get my own place somewhere. Roommates are cheaper, but I'd love to be on my own. That won't be for a while though.
I have an online English course this year which is something different. It's called American Literature and Culture after 1914. The prof is in B.C. and writes a blog for the class so we can comment and discuss various readings and assignments. I hope I can time manage properly to be successful. I'm sure I can, I'm on the computer all the time anyway. At least now it will be constructive.
The good thing about being in school again is that I have access to the school gym! I really need to take advantage of it, no joke. I know I always complain about losing weight but it really needs to happen. I've noticed I've already started eating less since being here, maybe because there's barely any food in the apartment, which even though it sounds dire, it could be a help in my case. I don't intend to starve, just need to limit my intake. Working out is such a chore. Maybe I can learn to love the gym. It'd be nice to find a gym buddy.
It's only September and already things are changing. The weather is still really warm, but there are people in my life who are taking the next step in their journey and it only inspires me to live my life to the fullest and really take hold of what I can. I'd like to try something new this year, maybe an art or dance class. Something to keep me busy and out of trouble. Not that I get into trouble...
Anyway if anyone has any ideas about what I can do this year that would be fun, let me know!
Sunday, July 17, 2011
me myself and I
Why is it that I always end up finding the biggest a-holes around? It turns out the 'nice guy' I met turned out to be a douchebag du jour. As usual. I mean I've been lied to before, I just really hoped it wouldn't happen again. How do people find the nerve to be so deceiving? "Oh I just broke up with someone". Yeah, right. I knew something wasn't right about this one. I've learned to always trust my instincts when it comes to men. I had a feeling he was hiding something and I was right. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust someone. I might as well just stay single. I'd rather have fun than get hurt.
I really hope things turn around soon. I'm sick of sitting around doing nothing everyday. I need a job and I need to go back to school. Things really need to get moving. I also really want to lose weight. I'm sick of what I see in the mirror. I just feel like screaming, 'Come on life, let's get going!' I know it's up to me to get the ball rolling.
I need to start setting some goals, otherwise the days just pass by and pile up into wasted opportunities. One of my immediate goals is to start losing weight. Tomorrow is the start of another week and where my journey will begin.
I really hope things turn around soon. I'm sick of sitting around doing nothing everyday. I need a job and I need to go back to school. Things really need to get moving. I also really want to lose weight. I'm sick of what I see in the mirror. I just feel like screaming, 'Come on life, let's get going!' I know it's up to me to get the ball rolling.
I need to start setting some goals, otherwise the days just pass by and pile up into wasted opportunities. One of my immediate goals is to start losing weight. Tomorrow is the start of another week and where my journey will begin.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
hot and humid romance
It's the middle of summer and things are going relatively okay. Aside from not having a job, I miraculously started seeing someone. I'm afraid to say it's going pretty well so far but this is still so new. I wonder if it will turn into anything? I guess I'll have to wait and see.
I'm hoping things will all work out. My main concern is not having enough money to go back to school this fall. I have to go back though. I'd rather not stay in Portage another year, and I don't want to start paying back student loans. I'm pretty hopeful though that it will all pull through.
I'm so fascinated when someone says they like me. This guy actually seems sincere and wants me for more than one thing. Its kind of refreshing actually. How jaded I must be thinking this way but it's true. I haven't seriously dated anyone in about 5 years now. I'm only used to high school relationships. I've spent the rest of my time just having fun, not taking anyone seriously. Though I could have, but we never really get what we want. I think there's something about this guy that just might stick, however.
The beginning of relationships are so interesting. It's exciting and fun, getting to know someone, developing that chemistry, it can be magical really. I try to hide my doubts below the surface just enough to feel some optimism. So far so good. Dating is really fun in the summer time. There's so much to do. Going to the fair for instance, sneaking in can of booze and sitting by the lake just enjoying the moment. I love it. Being told you're beautiful everyday isn't too bad either.
I haven't been someone's girlfriend in a really long time. I kind of wish I was. It's nice having someone care about you aside from your parents and friends. I think I make a pretty good girlfriend from what I remember. I always try to be okay with being the fun single girl but it can get pretty lonely sometimes. It's nice going out on dates and having someone to get dressed up for other than yourself. I really missed it. I hope this turns into something. We'll see how it goes.
I'm hoping things will all work out. My main concern is not having enough money to go back to school this fall. I have to go back though. I'd rather not stay in Portage another year, and I don't want to start paying back student loans. I'm pretty hopeful though that it will all pull through.
I'm so fascinated when someone says they like me. This guy actually seems sincere and wants me for more than one thing. Its kind of refreshing actually. How jaded I must be thinking this way but it's true. I haven't seriously dated anyone in about 5 years now. I'm only used to high school relationships. I've spent the rest of my time just having fun, not taking anyone seriously. Though I could have, but we never really get what we want. I think there's something about this guy that just might stick, however.
The beginning of relationships are so interesting. It's exciting and fun, getting to know someone, developing that chemistry, it can be magical really. I try to hide my doubts below the surface just enough to feel some optimism. So far so good. Dating is really fun in the summer time. There's so much to do. Going to the fair for instance, sneaking in can of booze and sitting by the lake just enjoying the moment. I love it. Being told you're beautiful everyday isn't too bad either.
I haven't been someone's girlfriend in a really long time. I kind of wish I was. It's nice having someone care about you aside from your parents and friends. I think I make a pretty good girlfriend from what I remember. I always try to be okay with being the fun single girl but it can get pretty lonely sometimes. It's nice going out on dates and having someone to get dressed up for other than yourself. I really missed it. I hope this turns into something. We'll see how it goes.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
just another day
I've been thinking recently about the last year of my life and who I am at this moment- not exactly who I want to be. I'm not sure where I should be either. It would be nice to finally be with someone, in a real relationship. I visited with a friend recently who I really wanted to be with once. Just being around him brought out feelings in me that I forgot were there. It was last summer and I was so in love with him. Those butterflies came back all too quickly. We spent so much time together, and I thought he liked me too. I wasn't enough I guess. Will I ever be enough for someone?
At the moment I don't even feel good enough for myself. I don't look the way I want and I don't feel all that happy. I just pass the days as if they don't really matter. I don't feel like I have a purpose anymore. Did I ever have one? All I do is sit around, motivation slipping in and out of my hands. Right now I don't have any goals to reach, except for finishing school. Even when I think about it, I'm not sure what I want to do. I shouldn't be so afraid to go back, but I am. Who will I become? No longer the journalist I want to be? Should I attempt to go back to RRC? It won't be the samean and probably harder since I've been gone. I'm just not sure what I want anymore.
I know I don't want to be stuck in Portage. I really do miss the city. There are more opportunities there and just more to do in general. I'd really love to be roommates with my friend Leah, we would get along really well living together. I'm really hoping after the summer I'll have a new fresh start in the city. I don't think I can handle another year staying at home. I need time to figure out things on my own and become more independent. I really do miss having my own place. All I want is a job that I love, a nice place of my own and someone to share it with. Hopefully one day I'll find it all.
At the moment I don't even feel good enough for myself. I don't look the way I want and I don't feel all that happy. I just pass the days as if they don't really matter. I don't feel like I have a purpose anymore. Did I ever have one? All I do is sit around, motivation slipping in and out of my hands. Right now I don't have any goals to reach, except for finishing school. Even when I think about it, I'm not sure what I want to do. I shouldn't be so afraid to go back, but I am. Who will I become? No longer the journalist I want to be? Should I attempt to go back to RRC? It won't be the samean and probably harder since I've been gone. I'm just not sure what I want anymore.
I know I don't want to be stuck in Portage. I really do miss the city. There are more opportunities there and just more to do in general. I'd really love to be roommates with my friend Leah, we would get along really well living together. I'm really hoping after the summer I'll have a new fresh start in the city. I don't think I can handle another year staying at home. I need time to figure out things on my own and become more independent. I really do miss having my own place. All I want is a job that I love, a nice place of my own and someone to share it with. Hopefully one day I'll find it all.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
our health moves us
I'm realizing more and more everyday just how important it is to care of yourself. After finding out today that my dad had a mini stroke, it became clear that if you don't keep your health in check you don't have much to look forward to when you're older. I've never worried about someone as much as I do my dad. I would never want to have to worry my kids one day because of poor health. I'd want to be there for them as long as I could. Right now I can see my health deteriorating and its not helping me at all. I need to develop a healthy lifestyle. One that doesn't involve sitting around on the couch watching tv for hours and constantly eating. Something's gotta give.
Tomorrow I'm going to attempt running. It's a cheap and easy way of getting in shape so why not start now? I'm only working out about once a week at the moment and I know that's not enough to lose weight. The only thing I'm concerned about when I start running is my asthma, but I'm sure it won't be that bad. I think once I have a solid routine and start seeing results I'm more likely to stick with a plan.
One thing that I notice I do constantly is compare myself to others. It can be people on tv, in magazines, my best friend, my sister, or even random people on the street. In my head I am far from perfect and far from where I want to be in terms of physical fitness/shape. I don't hate my body I just know there's room for improvement. The parts of me I want to work on are: arms, legs, muffin top and a flatter tummy. Typical areas I suppose for most women. That can be seen as a good thing since there will always be workouts made to target these areas. It's not like I don't have a fitness magazine just collecting dust somewhere...
I have daydreams of being a thin healthy woman who enjoys doing yoga every morning and drinks green tea everyday. I've never actually done yoga but it is something I want to start doing. I'm also considering becoming vegetarian once I move back to the city. I've always felt strongly about not supporting animal cruelty and I think vegetarianism is a healthy lifestyle to adopt and stick with. All I know is I need to start making concrete plans to start living the kind of life I want. It starts now! :)
Tomorrow I'm going to attempt running. It's a cheap and easy way of getting in shape so why not start now? I'm only working out about once a week at the moment and I know that's not enough to lose weight. The only thing I'm concerned about when I start running is my asthma, but I'm sure it won't be that bad. I think once I have a solid routine and start seeing results I'm more likely to stick with a plan.
One thing that I notice I do constantly is compare myself to others. It can be people on tv, in magazines, my best friend, my sister, or even random people on the street. In my head I am far from perfect and far from where I want to be in terms of physical fitness/shape. I don't hate my body I just know there's room for improvement. The parts of me I want to work on are: arms, legs, muffin top and a flatter tummy. Typical areas I suppose for most women. That can be seen as a good thing since there will always be workouts made to target these areas. It's not like I don't have a fitness magazine just collecting dust somewhere...
I have daydreams of being a thin healthy woman who enjoys doing yoga every morning and drinks green tea everyday. I've never actually done yoga but it is something I want to start doing. I'm also considering becoming vegetarian once I move back to the city. I've always felt strongly about not supporting animal cruelty and I think vegetarianism is a healthy lifestyle to adopt and stick with. All I know is I need to start making concrete plans to start living the kind of life I want. It starts now! :)
Monday, June 6, 2011
my so called life
I haven't blogged in a while, I guess mainly because my computer isn't working so I'm actually writing from my new BlackBerry. Something that's been on my mind lately aside from the continuous monotony of my life is that I need to lose some weight- again. I lost a lot of weight a few months ago but quickly gained it all back. I'm not sure if I'll ever be fully satisfied with my body, but then again who is? But I always say that I'm going to get in shape and I never committ. I think I need to start trying. One thing that is troublesome for me is eating healthy. I'm pretty good at sitting around and eating empty calories. It would be nice if there were healthier food choices around the house. Either way, it's time for some changes. Yeah I know, I've been saying that all summer.
Writing about this issue again makes me wonder, why are most people so unhappy with themselves? I guess most of us were raised in a society where being the best meant you were a better person. We are always striving for something more in life. Some of us get there and some of us don't. I know I'm always hoping to be better, or at least wanting a lot more out of my life. So far I don't think I've achieved enough. A lot of the time I'm not sure that I'll ever find exactly the kind of life I think I want. Maybe that's because I've been feeling a lot of self doubt lately. I don't feel good enough to myself, and maybe if I get in better shape I'll start to like myself a bit more. There are many other aspects of myself I want to work on as well, but perhaps if I start on one thing the rest will follow? There's no harm in trying anyway.
I almost feel tired writing this, like these are all words that have been spit out and regurgitated. I do wonder though if succeeding at one thing and reaching a goal will leave room for new ones in life? Logically it makes sense, but what if you never reach the initial goals? Life would get tireless and essentially you would probably give up and settle. I often get scared that I will lose sight of what's important to me and settle for a life I don't want. I think it all comes down to learning to love yourself and not forgetting to live life. You never truly know when it will be over so why waste time?
I guess that's all for now.
Writing about this issue again makes me wonder, why are most people so unhappy with themselves? I guess most of us were raised in a society where being the best meant you were a better person. We are always striving for something more in life. Some of us get there and some of us don't. I know I'm always hoping to be better, or at least wanting a lot more out of my life. So far I don't think I've achieved enough. A lot of the time I'm not sure that I'll ever find exactly the kind of life I think I want. Maybe that's because I've been feeling a lot of self doubt lately. I don't feel good enough to myself, and maybe if I get in better shape I'll start to like myself a bit more. There are many other aspects of myself I want to work on as well, but perhaps if I start on one thing the rest will follow? There's no harm in trying anyway.
I almost feel tired writing this, like these are all words that have been spit out and regurgitated. I do wonder though if succeeding at one thing and reaching a goal will leave room for new ones in life? Logically it makes sense, but what if you never reach the initial goals? Life would get tireless and essentially you would probably give up and settle. I often get scared that I will lose sight of what's important to me and settle for a life I don't want. I think it all comes down to learning to love yourself and not forgetting to live life. You never truly know when it will be over so why waste time?
I guess that's all for now.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Time to get off the couch
Lately I've been constantly hungry. No matter if I just ate a meal, I'm still hungry for more. It might be due to the medication I'm taking but it's getting a bit ridiculous. My willpower is lacking majorly as well. Earlier tonight I went to the store just to buy a bunch of junk food that I really didn't need. I think it's time to change my ways. Funny, I'm always looking for a change in some aspect of my life. Maybe changing my health for the better is the way to go.
I've always been a chunky girl. For the most part I'm not that unhappy with my body, but I do know I'm a bit overweight. I don't think I'm meant to be super skinny, but it would be nice to be in good shape. I've always wondered what it felt like to have a flat stomach or arms that didn't jiggle with every wave... I guess insecurities are never far from the surface.
I've been a yo-yo dieter, or a stress crash dieter. I've always lost the most weight at times when I'm super stressed out. I stop eating altogether. Last year I lost about 20 pounds due to major stress. Now that I'm more mentally stable, I've went in the other direction and I'm eating practically everything in sight. It's not good. My new jeans are already getting tight, I really don't want to balloon up to the weight I was last year- being so heavy just doesn't work well for me. I'm always saying "oh I need to get in shape" but then when it comes down to it, I only stick with something for maybe a week or two at the most and then I fall back into my old habits. I suppose lifestyle changes aren't easy.
I don't want to be someone who is obsessed with weight and image, but I do think it's important to take care of my health. Especially since my dad had a heart attack in the winter I've realized how many health problems I am prone to developing if I don't be careful. If I'm exercising and eating better I know I'll start to feel better, have more energy and not want to sleep all the time. I just wish I was more motivated to get off my ass.
I'm considering running as a way to get fit, but since I have asthma I'm not sure if that's the right route for me. I could always try it and see how I handle it. I'm also buying a bike this summer, so that will keep me moving as well. As for diet, I need to take charge and actually buy healthy food. Despite my dad having a massive heart attack and diabetes, he doesn't try to take better care of himself. That really does scare me, I thought I was going to lose him once, I am not prepared in any capacity to lose him for real. Not improving my health really could mean a life or death situation some day.
I'm always interested in different diets or fitness plans. In the past I've attempted The Best Life Diet made famous by Oprah. Also, the Body By Glamour fitness plan, as well as other self-made plans. I'm thinking about the Blood Type Diet as well as trying The Best Life Diet again. I think if I'm constantly surrounding myself with health and fitness literature it will become easier for me to adapt into a new and better lifestyle. All of this is so much easier said than done, however.
I only want to lose about 20-30 pounds, with a major focus on toning and muscle building. In the mean time, here are some things I plan to do to start my weight-loss journey (again):
-Buy healthy food- fruit, veggies, whole grains.
-Create a work out routine- buy a bike or get a gym membership
-Find a work out buddy
Let's see how I do this time around.
I've always been a chunky girl. For the most part I'm not that unhappy with my body, but I do know I'm a bit overweight. I don't think I'm meant to be super skinny, but it would be nice to be in good shape. I've always wondered what it felt like to have a flat stomach or arms that didn't jiggle with every wave... I guess insecurities are never far from the surface.
I've been a yo-yo dieter, or a stress crash dieter. I've always lost the most weight at times when I'm super stressed out. I stop eating altogether. Last year I lost about 20 pounds due to major stress. Now that I'm more mentally stable, I've went in the other direction and I'm eating practically everything in sight. It's not good. My new jeans are already getting tight, I really don't want to balloon up to the weight I was last year- being so heavy just doesn't work well for me. I'm always saying "oh I need to get in shape" but then when it comes down to it, I only stick with something for maybe a week or two at the most and then I fall back into my old habits. I suppose lifestyle changes aren't easy.
I don't want to be someone who is obsessed with weight and image, but I do think it's important to take care of my health. Especially since my dad had a heart attack in the winter I've realized how many health problems I am prone to developing if I don't be careful. If I'm exercising and eating better I know I'll start to feel better, have more energy and not want to sleep all the time. I just wish I was more motivated to get off my ass.
I'm considering running as a way to get fit, but since I have asthma I'm not sure if that's the right route for me. I could always try it and see how I handle it. I'm also buying a bike this summer, so that will keep me moving as well. As for diet, I need to take charge and actually buy healthy food. Despite my dad having a massive heart attack and diabetes, he doesn't try to take better care of himself. That really does scare me, I thought I was going to lose him once, I am not prepared in any capacity to lose him for real. Not improving my health really could mean a life or death situation some day.
I'm always interested in different diets or fitness plans. In the past I've attempted The Best Life Diet made famous by Oprah. Also, the Body By Glamour fitness plan, as well as other self-made plans. I'm thinking about the Blood Type Diet as well as trying The Best Life Diet again. I think if I'm constantly surrounding myself with health and fitness literature it will become easier for me to adapt into a new and better lifestyle. All of this is so much easier said than done, however.
I only want to lose about 20-30 pounds, with a major focus on toning and muscle building. In the mean time, here are some things I plan to do to start my weight-loss journey (again):
-Buy healthy food- fruit, veggies, whole grains.
-Create a work out routine- buy a bike or get a gym membership
-Find a work out buddy
Let's see how I do this time around.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Where is the love?
Why do I always fall for the wrong guys? I have a really good habit of liking the guy who has no real interest in me, or vice versa, the ones who do like me I could care less. I'm always attracted to assholes for some reason, and no matter what they do I often find myself giving too many excuses as to why I should spend my time with them. I need a new focus here...
I wouldn't say I have a specific type of guy I'm attracted to (minus the asshole quotient) I'm sort of an 'equal opportunist' in that I don't really have high standards and I make too many exceptions, probably hoping for change. We all know how that likely turns out. I really do miss being in a relationship though. I haven't technically had a boyfriend since the beginning of my university years and that was 4 years ago by now. I sometimes go on dates, but nothing really escalates into a meaningful partnership with anyone. I'm starting to think I'll be single forever... and I really don't want to settle for someone I'm not totally into just for the sake of being in a relationship. I want to be with someone who I genuinely respect and who does the same for me. But first I need to break the bad boy cycle.
Maybe I can't find anyone because I'm not really looking that hard? Truth be told I feel as if Portage is limiting in terms of a good catch. I don't even know what my plan is after the summer, who knows where I'll be? That's also a factor in deciding to be with someone- how long could it last? Would a long-distance distance relationship really work out? Another truth is that I sort of have my heart set on someone. I'm not sure if it's a lost cause or not... but sometimes I feel it's worth it to be hopeful.
This person makes me feel at ease, and I think we're pretty comfortable in eachother's company. I think he's cute as hell and a great listener. He makes me feel normal when I'm out of sorts. And we have a lot in common. I feel like we'd make a good team and be eachother's best friend. The only downside is that we might both have some personal issues to resolve before diving into a relationship. But thinking about being with him makes me want to be better. What more could you ask for in a person? I guess only time will tell with this one.
In the meantime I guess I'll try to find contentment in being single. It does have it's bonuses. I don't have to answer to anyone, I'm free to do whatever I want and I don't have to deal with stress and drama. Sometimes I miss the drama though.
I think for now I need to put my heart into safekeeping. Only those who truly deserve it will be let in.
I wouldn't say I have a specific type of guy I'm attracted to (minus the asshole quotient) I'm sort of an 'equal opportunist' in that I don't really have high standards and I make too many exceptions, probably hoping for change. We all know how that likely turns out. I really do miss being in a relationship though. I haven't technically had a boyfriend since the beginning of my university years and that was 4 years ago by now. I sometimes go on dates, but nothing really escalates into a meaningful partnership with anyone. I'm starting to think I'll be single forever... and I really don't want to settle for someone I'm not totally into just for the sake of being in a relationship. I want to be with someone who I genuinely respect and who does the same for me. But first I need to break the bad boy cycle.
Maybe I can't find anyone because I'm not really looking that hard? Truth be told I feel as if Portage is limiting in terms of a good catch. I don't even know what my plan is after the summer, who knows where I'll be? That's also a factor in deciding to be with someone- how long could it last? Would a long-distance distance relationship really work out? Another truth is that I sort of have my heart set on someone. I'm not sure if it's a lost cause or not... but sometimes I feel it's worth it to be hopeful.
This person makes me feel at ease, and I think we're pretty comfortable in eachother's company. I think he's cute as hell and a great listener. He makes me feel normal when I'm out of sorts. And we have a lot in common. I feel like we'd make a good team and be eachother's best friend. The only downside is that we might both have some personal issues to resolve before diving into a relationship. But thinking about being with him makes me want to be better. What more could you ask for in a person? I guess only time will tell with this one.
In the meantime I guess I'll try to find contentment in being single. It does have it's bonuses. I don't have to answer to anyone, I'm free to do whatever I want and I don't have to deal with stress and drama. Sometimes I miss the drama though.
I think for now I need to put my heart into safekeeping. Only those who truly deserve it will be let in.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
going nowhere, a useless cycle
Another weekend is upon us, and here I go again, out to the watering hole that is the portage bar. Not that there's much else to do in this town on weekends, but I've come to realize that I frequent this place way more than I should. I do love to dance though...
I guess my point is that I wish I had more than just drinking and loud music to fulfill my life at this point. I want to grow and to expand my experiences. Constantly drinking every weekend doesn't exactly bring me to that other level- except inebriation.
Does it all come down to logistics? Perhaps if I wasn't living in Portage things would be different? I'm not sure about that though... a bigger city would only bring more options of where to buy a drink... Maybe all of this is just a sign that I'm ready for better things? I can't see myself living here forever, and the fact that I know people who accept that they will spend their lives here just boggles my mind. How can someone not want to go out and experience something new and different? I have such a yearning for travel, to see how other people live, experience different cultures other than my own. I feel it's so limiting being stuck in one place for so long. Routine can be good for certain things, but not when your life isn't to your satisfaction.
I'm hoping this summer I'll find some kind of adventure, something that I can say really awakened my spirits and allowed me to expand my horizons. I feel that travel would do that, and I intend on visiting dear friends once they have left for the summer. At this point in my life I'm really wondering where my life is going to end up, but I also realize that life is never what you want it to be. I really wish I didn't feel like I was constantly letting myself down for not finishing school, when it is completely possible to finish another time. There is more to life than education... I just feel like I'm wasting time going out, drinking, doing the same monotonous thing. At some point, it really does get old. I really don't want to end up living life like it's an episode of Jersey Shore. I think it's time to find something else to do.
I guess that's all for now...
I guess my point is that I wish I had more than just drinking and loud music to fulfill my life at this point. I want to grow and to expand my experiences. Constantly drinking every weekend doesn't exactly bring me to that other level- except inebriation.
Does it all come down to logistics? Perhaps if I wasn't living in Portage things would be different? I'm not sure about that though... a bigger city would only bring more options of where to buy a drink... Maybe all of this is just a sign that I'm ready for better things? I can't see myself living here forever, and the fact that I know people who accept that they will spend their lives here just boggles my mind. How can someone not want to go out and experience something new and different? I have such a yearning for travel, to see how other people live, experience different cultures other than my own. I feel it's so limiting being stuck in one place for so long. Routine can be good for certain things, but not when your life isn't to your satisfaction.
I'm hoping this summer I'll find some kind of adventure, something that I can say really awakened my spirits and allowed me to expand my horizons. I feel that travel would do that, and I intend on visiting dear friends once they have left for the summer. At this point in my life I'm really wondering where my life is going to end up, but I also realize that life is never what you want it to be. I really wish I didn't feel like I was constantly letting myself down for not finishing school, when it is completely possible to finish another time. There is more to life than education... I just feel like I'm wasting time going out, drinking, doing the same monotonous thing. At some point, it really does get old. I really don't want to end up living life like it's an episode of Jersey Shore. I think it's time to find something else to do.
I guess that's all for now...
Thursday, April 21, 2011
After the storm, there is sunshine
After months of not blogging, I'm finally getting the courage to share my voice with the world again. It has been way too long.
I was unsure about what to blog about, but since the summer is well on the way, I figured why not write about it? I'll be working in Portage all summer, and I'm planning some travel as well.
Truthfully I was afraid to write again, after going through so much mental stress in the past while, I felt that any attempt at doing anything constructive would be a waste of time. Being inside my own head so much was a much worse experience. I find it's better to vent in any way possible, either talking to friends or journaling. Blogging has become another way of expression.
I've always wondered if I was a good enough writer, many times I've felt inferior and uneducated compared to others. There is always this voice telling me nothing you write is original, no one cares about your little opinions. I know that's not true. But who isn't insecure? Especially when it comes to your thoughts thrown out there for the world to see.
Lately I've been thinking about where I want to go with life. A lot of the time I think, maybe I'll end up doing many different things, perhaps find a new niche that fits better than anything I've planned so far. I've always been interested in more than one thing, career-wise or not. Today at work I caught myself thinking maybe I'd be good at massage therapy, or something else in the health care field, like nutrition. I also really just want to finish my degree and go on with life. I feel right now like I'm in limbo, not sure where I want go next. I guess the beauty in that is the fact that I can go anywhere.
Travel is something I'm passionate about, though I've only been a handful of places, none outside North America. I'm hopeful that I'll get to go somewhere this summer, rather than being stuck in Manitoba for the whole season. I'd love to see each capital city of every province, then I could say I've seen my country, then I'd like to go venture further. Either way, anywhere distant is a good idea.
As someone whose thought patterns were once constantly negative, thoughts like I'll never amount to anything, why bother living? I feel like I've climbed so far from where I let myself fall. And that fall was swift and hard, I was spinning downward, seemingly with no way up. Until I realized, I have a purpose. My family for one, and friends who I don't know what I'd do with out. And lately, the possibility of love has flitted through my brain. I miss being that someone for someone. I remember falling head over heels though it seems so distant now. I'd like to think that saying is true however, "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans".
So far, my plans include saving up some money for a much needed new laptop, money for school and for a trip to B.C. to visit some dear friends who will be living there for the summer. I can't wait to travel alone, independent, and finally get my chance to swim in the ocean water. It will be fabulous.
Wish me luck, I hope to have a wonderfully warm and sweet summer.
I was unsure about what to blog about, but since the summer is well on the way, I figured why not write about it? I'll be working in Portage all summer, and I'm planning some travel as well.
Truthfully I was afraid to write again, after going through so much mental stress in the past while, I felt that any attempt at doing anything constructive would be a waste of time. Being inside my own head so much was a much worse experience. I find it's better to vent in any way possible, either talking to friends or journaling. Blogging has become another way of expression.
I've always wondered if I was a good enough writer, many times I've felt inferior and uneducated compared to others. There is always this voice telling me nothing you write is original, no one cares about your little opinions. I know that's not true. But who isn't insecure? Especially when it comes to your thoughts thrown out there for the world to see.
Lately I've been thinking about where I want to go with life. A lot of the time I think, maybe I'll end up doing many different things, perhaps find a new niche that fits better than anything I've planned so far. I've always been interested in more than one thing, career-wise or not. Today at work I caught myself thinking maybe I'd be good at massage therapy, or something else in the health care field, like nutrition. I also really just want to finish my degree and go on with life. I feel right now like I'm in limbo, not sure where I want go next. I guess the beauty in that is the fact that I can go anywhere.
Travel is something I'm passionate about, though I've only been a handful of places, none outside North America. I'm hopeful that I'll get to go somewhere this summer, rather than being stuck in Manitoba for the whole season. I'd love to see each capital city of every province, then I could say I've seen my country, then I'd like to go venture further. Either way, anywhere distant is a good idea.
As someone whose thought patterns were once constantly negative, thoughts like I'll never amount to anything, why bother living? I feel like I've climbed so far from where I let myself fall. And that fall was swift and hard, I was spinning downward, seemingly with no way up. Until I realized, I have a purpose. My family for one, and friends who I don't know what I'd do with out. And lately, the possibility of love has flitted through my brain. I miss being that someone for someone. I remember falling head over heels though it seems so distant now. I'd like to think that saying is true however, "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans".
So far, my plans include saving up some money for a much needed new laptop, money for school and for a trip to B.C. to visit some dear friends who will be living there for the summer. I can't wait to travel alone, independent, and finally get my chance to swim in the ocean water. It will be fabulous.
Wish me luck, I hope to have a wonderfully warm and sweet summer.
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