Time to get off the couch

Lately I've been constantly hungry. No matter if I just ate a meal, I'm still hungry for more. It might be due to the medication I'm taking but it's getting a bit ridiculous. My willpower is lacking majorly as well. Earlier tonight I went to the store just to buy a bunch of junk food that I really didn't need. I think it's time to change my ways. Funny, I'm always looking for a change in some aspect of my life. Maybe changing my health for the better is the way to go.

I've always been a chunky girl. For the most part I'm not that unhappy with my body, but I do know I'm a bit overweight. I don't think I'm meant to be super skinny, but it would be nice to be in good shape. I've always wondered what it felt like to have a flat stomach or arms that didn't jiggle with every wave... I guess insecurities are never far from the surface.

I've been a yo-yo dieter, or a stress crash dieter. I've always lost the most weight at times when I'm super stressed out. I stop eating altogether. Last year I lost about 20 pounds due to major stress. Now that I'm more mentally stable, I've went in the other direction and I'm eating practically everything in sight. It's not good. My new jeans are already getting tight, I really don't want to balloon up to the weight I was last year- being so heavy just doesn't work well for me. I'm always saying "oh I need to get in shape" but then when it comes down to it, I only stick with something for maybe a week or two at the most and then I fall back into my old habits. I suppose lifestyle changes aren't easy.

I don't want to be someone who is obsessed with weight and image, but I do think it's important to take care of my health. Especially since my dad had a heart attack in the winter I've realized how many health problems I am prone to developing if I don't be careful. If I'm exercising and eating better I know I'll start to feel better, have more energy and not want to sleep all the time. I just wish I was more motivated to get off my ass.

I'm considering running as a way to get fit, but since I have asthma I'm not sure if that's the right route for me. I could always try it and see how I handle it. I'm also buying a bike this summer, so that will keep me moving as well. As for diet, I need to take charge and actually buy healthy food. Despite my dad having a massive heart attack and diabetes, he doesn't try to take better care of himself. That really does scare me, I thought I was going to lose him once, I am not prepared in any capacity to lose him for real. Not improving my health really could mean a life or death situation some day.

I'm always interested in different diets or fitness plans. In the past I've attempted The Best Life Diet made famous by Oprah. Also, the Body By Glamour fitness plan, as well as other self-made plans. I'm thinking about the Blood Type Diet as well as trying The Best Life Diet again. I think if I'm constantly surrounding myself with health and fitness literature it will become easier for me to adapt into a new and better lifestyle. All of this is so much easier said than done, however.

I only want to lose about 20-30 pounds, with a major focus on toning and muscle building. In the mean time, here are some things I plan to do to start my weight-loss journey (again):
-Buy healthy food- fruit, veggies, whole grains.
-Create a work out routine- buy a bike or get a gym membership
-Find a work out buddy

Let's see how I do this time around.

Where is the love?

Why do I always fall for the wrong guys? I have a really good habit of liking the guy who has no real interest in me, or vice versa, the ones who do like me I could care less. I'm always attracted to assholes for some reason, and no matter what they do I often find myself giving too many excuses as to why I should spend my time with them. I need a new focus here...

I wouldn't say I have a specific type of guy I'm attracted to (minus the asshole quotient) I'm sort of an 'equal opportunist' in that I don't really have high standards and I make too many exceptions, probably hoping for change. We all know how that likely turns out. I really do miss being in a relationship though. I haven't technically had a boyfriend since the beginning of my university years and that was 4 years ago by now. I sometimes go on dates, but nothing really escalates into a meaningful partnership with anyone. I'm starting to think I'll be single forever... and I really don't want to settle for someone I'm not totally into just for the sake of being in a relationship. I want to be with someone who I genuinely respect and who does the same for me. But first I need to break the bad boy cycle.

Maybe I can't find anyone because I'm not really looking that hard? Truth be told I feel as if Portage is limiting in terms of a good catch. I don't even know what my plan is after the summer, who knows where I'll be? That's also a factor in deciding to be with someone- how long could it last? Would a long-distance distance relationship really work out? Another truth is that I sort of have my heart set on someone. I'm not sure if it's a lost cause or not... but sometimes I feel it's worth it to be hopeful.

This person makes me feel at ease, and I think we're pretty comfortable in eachother's company. I think he's cute as hell and a great listener. He makes me feel normal when I'm out of sorts. And we have a lot in common. I feel like we'd make a good team and be eachother's best friend. The only downside is that we might both have some personal issues to resolve before diving into a relationship. But thinking about being with him makes me want to be better. What more could you ask for in a person? I guess only time will tell with this one.

In the meantime I guess I'll try to find contentment in being single. It does have it's bonuses. I don't have to answer to anyone, I'm free to do whatever I want and I don't have to deal with stress and drama. Sometimes I miss the drama though.

I think for now I need to put my heart into safekeeping. Only those who truly deserve it will be let in.