Why do I always fall for the wrong guys? I have a really good habit of liking the guy who has no real interest in me, or vice versa, the ones who do like me I could care less. I'm always attracted to assholes for some reason, and no matter what they do I often find myself giving too many excuses as to why I should spend my time with them. I need a new focus here...
I wouldn't say I have a specific type of guy I'm attracted to (minus the asshole quotient) I'm sort of an 'equal opportunist' in that I don't really have high standards and I make too many exceptions, probably hoping for change. We all know how that likely turns out. I really do miss being in a relationship though. I haven't technically had a boyfriend since the beginning of my university years and that was 4 years ago by now. I sometimes go on dates, but nothing really escalates into a meaningful partnership with anyone. I'm starting to think I'll be single forever... and I really don't want to settle for someone I'm not totally into just for the sake of being in a relationship. I want to be with someone who I genuinely respect and who does the same for me. But first I need to break the bad boy cycle.
Maybe I can't find anyone because I'm not really looking that hard? Truth be told I feel as if Portage is limiting in terms of a good catch. I don't even know what my plan is after the summer, who knows where I'll be? That's also a factor in deciding to be with someone- how long could it last? Would a long-distance distance relationship really work out? Another truth is that I sort of have my heart set on someone. I'm not sure if it's a lost cause or not... but sometimes I feel it's worth it to be hopeful.
This person makes me feel at ease, and I think we're pretty comfortable in eachother's company. I think he's cute as hell and a great listener. He makes me feel normal when I'm out of sorts. And we have a lot in common. I feel like we'd make a good team and be eachother's best friend. The only downside is that we might both have some personal issues to resolve before diving into a relationship. But thinking about being with him makes me want to be better. What more could you ask for in a person? I guess only time will tell with this one.
In the meantime I guess I'll try to find contentment in being single. It does have it's bonuses. I don't have to answer to anyone, I'm free to do whatever I want and I don't have to deal with stress and drama. Sometimes I miss the drama though.
I think for now I need to put my heart into safekeeping. Only those who truly deserve it will be let in.
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