Another weekend is upon us, and here I go again, out to the watering hole that is the portage bar. Not that there's much else to do in this town on weekends, but I've come to realize that I frequent this place way more than I should. I do love to dance though...
I guess my point is that I wish I had more than just drinking and loud music to fulfill my life at this point. I want to grow and to expand my experiences. Constantly drinking every weekend doesn't exactly bring me to that other level- except inebriation.
Does it all come down to logistics? Perhaps if I wasn't living in Portage things would be different? I'm not sure about that though... a bigger city would only bring more options of where to buy a drink... Maybe all of this is just a sign that I'm ready for better things? I can't see myself living here forever, and the fact that I know people who accept that they will spend their lives here just boggles my mind. How can someone not want to go out and experience something new and different? I have such a yearning for travel, to see how other people live, experience different cultures other than my own. I feel it's so limiting being stuck in one place for so long. Routine can be good for certain things, but not when your life isn't to your satisfaction.
I'm hoping this summer I'll find some kind of adventure, something that I can say really awakened my spirits and allowed me to expand my horizons. I feel that travel would do that, and I intend on visiting dear friends once they have left for the summer. At this point in my life I'm really wondering where my life is going to end up, but I also realize that life is never what you want it to be. I really wish I didn't feel like I was constantly letting myself down for not finishing school, when it is completely possible to finish another time. There is more to life than education... I just feel like I'm wasting time going out, drinking, doing the same monotonous thing. At some point, it really does get old. I really don't want to end up living life like it's an episode of Jersey Shore. I think it's time to find something else to do.
I guess that's all for now...
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
After the storm, there is sunshine
After months of not blogging, I'm finally getting the courage to share my voice with the world again. It has been way too long.
I was unsure about what to blog about, but since the summer is well on the way, I figured why not write about it? I'll be working in Portage all summer, and I'm planning some travel as well.
Truthfully I was afraid to write again, after going through so much mental stress in the past while, I felt that any attempt at doing anything constructive would be a waste of time. Being inside my own head so much was a much worse experience. I find it's better to vent in any way possible, either talking to friends or journaling. Blogging has become another way of expression.
I've always wondered if I was a good enough writer, many times I've felt inferior and uneducated compared to others. There is always this voice telling me nothing you write is original, no one cares about your little opinions. I know that's not true. But who isn't insecure? Especially when it comes to your thoughts thrown out there for the world to see.
Lately I've been thinking about where I want to go with life. A lot of the time I think, maybe I'll end up doing many different things, perhaps find a new niche that fits better than anything I've planned so far. I've always been interested in more than one thing, career-wise or not. Today at work I caught myself thinking maybe I'd be good at massage therapy, or something else in the health care field, like nutrition. I also really just want to finish my degree and go on with life. I feel right now like I'm in limbo, not sure where I want go next. I guess the beauty in that is the fact that I can go anywhere.
Travel is something I'm passionate about, though I've only been a handful of places, none outside North America. I'm hopeful that I'll get to go somewhere this summer, rather than being stuck in Manitoba for the whole season. I'd love to see each capital city of every province, then I could say I've seen my country, then I'd like to go venture further. Either way, anywhere distant is a good idea.
As someone whose thought patterns were once constantly negative, thoughts like I'll never amount to anything, why bother living? I feel like I've climbed so far from where I let myself fall. And that fall was swift and hard, I was spinning downward, seemingly with no way up. Until I realized, I have a purpose. My family for one, and friends who I don't know what I'd do with out. And lately, the possibility of love has flitted through my brain. I miss being that someone for someone. I remember falling head over heels though it seems so distant now. I'd like to think that saying is true however, "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans".
So far, my plans include saving up some money for a much needed new laptop, money for school and for a trip to B.C. to visit some dear friends who will be living there for the summer. I can't wait to travel alone, independent, and finally get my chance to swim in the ocean water. It will be fabulous.
Wish me luck, I hope to have a wonderfully warm and sweet summer.
I was unsure about what to blog about, but since the summer is well on the way, I figured why not write about it? I'll be working in Portage all summer, and I'm planning some travel as well.
Truthfully I was afraid to write again, after going through so much mental stress in the past while, I felt that any attempt at doing anything constructive would be a waste of time. Being inside my own head so much was a much worse experience. I find it's better to vent in any way possible, either talking to friends or journaling. Blogging has become another way of expression.
I've always wondered if I was a good enough writer, many times I've felt inferior and uneducated compared to others. There is always this voice telling me nothing you write is original, no one cares about your little opinions. I know that's not true. But who isn't insecure? Especially when it comes to your thoughts thrown out there for the world to see.
Lately I've been thinking about where I want to go with life. A lot of the time I think, maybe I'll end up doing many different things, perhaps find a new niche that fits better than anything I've planned so far. I've always been interested in more than one thing, career-wise or not. Today at work I caught myself thinking maybe I'd be good at massage therapy, or something else in the health care field, like nutrition. I also really just want to finish my degree and go on with life. I feel right now like I'm in limbo, not sure where I want go next. I guess the beauty in that is the fact that I can go anywhere.
Travel is something I'm passionate about, though I've only been a handful of places, none outside North America. I'm hopeful that I'll get to go somewhere this summer, rather than being stuck in Manitoba for the whole season. I'd love to see each capital city of every province, then I could say I've seen my country, then I'd like to go venture further. Either way, anywhere distant is a good idea.
As someone whose thought patterns were once constantly negative, thoughts like I'll never amount to anything, why bother living? I feel like I've climbed so far from where I let myself fall. And that fall was swift and hard, I was spinning downward, seemingly with no way up. Until I realized, I have a purpose. My family for one, and friends who I don't know what I'd do with out. And lately, the possibility of love has flitted through my brain. I miss being that someone for someone. I remember falling head over heels though it seems so distant now. I'd like to think that saying is true however, "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans".
So far, my plans include saving up some money for a much needed new laptop, money for school and for a trip to B.C. to visit some dear friends who will be living there for the summer. I can't wait to travel alone, independent, and finally get my chance to swim in the ocean water. It will be fabulous.
Wish me luck, I hope to have a wonderfully warm and sweet summer.
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