After the storm, there is sunshine

After months of not blogging, I'm finally getting the courage to share my voice with the world again. It has been way too long.

I was unsure about what to blog about, but since the summer is well on the way, I figured why not write about it? I'll be working in Portage all summer, and I'm planning some travel as well.

Truthfully I was afraid to write again, after going through so much mental stress in the past while, I felt that any attempt at doing anything constructive would be a waste of time. Being inside my own head so much was a much worse experience. I find it's better to vent in any way possible, either talking to friends or journaling. Blogging has become another way of expression.

I've always wondered if I was a good enough writer, many times I've felt inferior and uneducated compared to others. There is always this voice telling me nothing you write is original, no one cares about your little opinions. I know that's not true. But who isn't insecure? Especially when it comes to your thoughts thrown out there for the world to see.

Lately I've been thinking about where I want to go with life. A lot of the time I think, maybe I'll end up doing many different things, perhaps find a new niche that fits better than anything I've planned so far. I've always been interested in more than one thing, career-wise or not. Today at work I caught myself thinking maybe I'd be good at massage therapy, or something else in the health care field, like nutrition. I also really just want to finish my degree and go on with life. I feel right now like I'm in limbo, not sure where I want go next. I guess the beauty in that is the fact that I can go anywhere.

Travel is something I'm passionate about, though I've only been a handful of places, none outside North America. I'm hopeful that I'll get to go somewhere this summer, rather than being stuck in Manitoba for the whole season. I'd love to see each capital city of every province, then I could say I've seen my country, then I'd like to go venture further. Either way, anywhere distant is a good idea.

As someone whose thought patterns were once constantly negative, thoughts like I'll never amount to anything, why bother living? I feel like I've climbed so far from where I let myself fall. And that fall was swift and hard, I was spinning downward, seemingly with no way up. Until I realized, I have a purpose. My family for one, and friends who I don't know what I'd do with out. And lately, the possibility of love has flitted through my brain. I miss being that someone for someone. I remember falling head over heels though it seems so distant now. I'd like to think that saying is true however, "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans".

So far, my plans include saving up some money for a much needed new laptop, money for school and for a trip to B.C. to visit some dear friends who will be living there for the summer. I can't wait to travel alone, independent, and finally get my chance to swim in the ocean water. It will be fabulous.

Wish me luck, I hope to have a wonderfully warm and sweet summer.