Recently I've been talking to an old flame. He's someone I've dated in the past during high school. We reconnected via Facebook about two months ago and ever since we've been talking nearly everyday. It seems a little crazy- he has a girlfriend and is a couple thousand miles away. At first our conversations were just friendly, but now they have developed into something more. We both claim we still have feelings for one another. I haven't physically seen this person in about 3 years. Maybe absence does make the heart grow fonder? I'm not sure how things are actually going to work out. There are a lot of things for us to consider if we planned on being together.
I have to admit that I do miss him. He was a good boyfriend, but I was young and stupid when we broke up. I thought he was too clingy. What I wouldn't give for that right now... Someone to love and be my 'everything'. I know I was his. I think about him everyday, we've even been dreaming about each other. Apparently I was the one that got away and he says there's still love there. It's all a lot to take in. It seems like we're living out this huge fantasy- which basically we are. We've only conversed via Facebook and texting, and the one slightly drunken phone call I made lastnight...who knows if it will actually turn into anything more? The fact that he has a girlfriend (who actually lives here in Winnipeg too) makes this whole thing seem really pointless. Why should I expect him to just leave her? I mean, he has hinted at it numerous times now, but I don't think it's going to actually happen. Sometimes I think it's just a waste of my time. Then other times I think how great we could be together. But then again, maybe it's all in my head?
I'd love the chance to be with someone who actually wants to be with me. I can tell that he does. The only obstacle we face is the girlfriend and the distance between us. I wouldn't mind moving somewhere beautiful if it meant starting a relationship just as beautiful... it could be, couldn't it? He tells me if I was in his arms again he'd never let me go. After years of being single, that might not be so bad. It sure is nice to hear, anyway. Our conversation on the phone last night was really nice. It was good to actually hear his voice after so long. It sort of makes the whole thing less impossible.
There's a big part of me that feels badly for interrupting his life. But then there's the other side of me that thinks if we were together it would be so amazing. Or maybe it's just my loneliness rearing its ugly, selfish, jealous head? I think there's more to it than that, though. I hope we get a chance to find out. I can't help but imagine my life with him in a new city, just living life to the fullest. From what I remember, being with him was really fun for the most part. We got a long, never really argued and just enjoyed each other's company. I think that since we've grown up it could be even better the second time around. I guess only time will tell.
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